Shabbat Shalom - The Two Words I Couldn't Say Until Recently

Shabbat Shalom. 

Its a beautiful greeting, universally understood, and one that brings the warmest wishes you could possibly present to someone prior to or during Shabbat.  So why, up until a few months ago, could I not bring myself to say those words?

When someone wished me "Shabbat Shalom" I used to say, "to you as well" or worse yet, "have a nice weekend."  I realized that clearly, I was avoiding saying what should have been nothing more than a welcoming, loving gesture to those around me that shared one of the aspects of my life that I valued most of all -  Judaism.

So why was it so stressful for me to hear those words, let alone say them myself? 

Being Jewish has always been something I have valued dearly - despite the fact that I did not have a religious or educational upbringing in Judaism.  I have always had a strong sense of being Jewish, even though I didn't have a clear understanding of what that meant.  I understood and celebrated all the major annual holidays but Shabbat, was a concept that was foreign to me.  We never had Shabbat dinner, I had only witnessed lighting Shabbat candles a few times (and felt uncomfortable every time) and I often worked on Saturday growing up.  Saturday was no different to me than Sunday.

I had never been in an environment where and when it would have been appropriate to say "Shabbat Shalom" until recently.

As I began to take the steps that I decided were necessary to understand and learn about my own religion, I suddenly found myself around people that wished me Shabbat Shalom.  I attend a wonderful class on Fridays with my Rabbi that explores the week's Parasha and often relates it to current political and social events of our time and saying "Shabbat Shalom" became something that I heard over and over but was never able to respond comfortably.  Even while attending Shabbat Services, I found it difficult.  I know why, of course.  It was because I had never celebrated Shabbat, had never gone to services and never understood all of what Shabbat entails.  I never understood how (and why) people pick and choose how they celebrate Shabbat and how they are able to celebrate it one week and not others.  Even as I continue to learn about Shabbat, I have a hard time accepting that some, if not many of the Jewish people I know that have Shabbat dinner, do not honor Shabbat in any other way.  I find that very troubling. 

While I have been going to services on Saturday mornings on a fairly regular basis, I still do not feel as if I am celebrating Shabbat.  I am not sure how to reconcile the fact that we don't light candles Friday night with my going to services.  This year was the first time that I read about Shabbat in the Torah.  That was a wonderful first step in the educational portion of my journey, but I still do not have the emotional connection that I think would be important. 

But I am now comfortable saying Shabbat Shalom.  I can't quite get myself to turn to strangers after services to say it, but I am trying.  I know how important it is to so many people, certainly those that are in services and I respect (any envy) their commitment to Shabbat.  That alone makes it a little easier to say those two simple words.

I know that I am still  exploring and learning and I hope that someday I can come to find a meaningful way of observing Shabbat that I feel comfortable with and finding a place in my life for Shabbat.  But for right now, at least I have gotten over my insecurity and unease and I am able to express my wishes to others.

Shabbat Shalom.