I had sixteen months between the kids' B'nai Mitzvahs. Life got a little more complicated all around - for my 8th grade daughter we were in the midst of applying to and accepting a Chicago high school, my mother had a stroke that kept me going back and forth to Detroit, and my professional world had all kinds of political feats to conquer during that time which I was intricately involved in - but I knew that I had to make my son's day as special as my daughter's and I worked hard those months to make that happen.
I also knew that I had to go the next level for myself. I needed to take the steps to meet the second goal that I set for myself - understanding Shabbat Services.
A few years ago I took the beginning class of Hebrew - learning the Alpha Bet. It was fine, difficult to memorize all the symbols at first, but not a problem. The second class, however, was a different story. Everyone in the class was familiar with words and phonetics because they were used to hearing them in services year after year or even week after week for some. I was not. The words, expressions and phrases were foreign to me. Because I had not attended services, I could not continue with learning Hebrew.
I could no longer count on having a specific reason or excuse to attend services. I knew I could no longer depend on finding someone to go with and I had to force myself to go alone. The first time I attended services by myself was very difficult, but I knew it was what I had to do. Initially, each time I attended was equally as difficult. I had to make sure I had no excuses not to go. I had to make sure that I arrived in the parking lot early enough to get a parking spot and not have to park on the street where I would have had to leave midway to add money to the meter. I had to find a seat, away from the B'nai Mitzvah families and guests that I may have sort of known from school so that I didn't feel like an outsider with them as well. I never went to the Kiddush because I felt so out of place. I found it easier to go the weeks when there was not a Bar Mitzvah but I still did not feel comfortable joining the community at the Kiddush.
Over time, I came to understand the components of the service and knew what pages to go to. I had my own Siddur that had "post it flags" I put on the sections that I would be required to participate in during our son's service. I did not want to be that parent that could not follow along, even though I was that parent the first time around.
Before long, I began to relax in services and enjoy the service - especially the pre-Torah prayers that are so beautifully chanted. I wanted to arrive by 9:30 not only for the parking spot, but to experience the service fully. It seemed wrong to me to come at any other time. I found a seat that I was comfortable in - or at least a section that put me close enough to follow along and not be distracted and out of the way enough to feel secure.
I gradually met a few people in the synagogue. During this time, I began to go to the Friday morning Torah classes that our Senior Rabbi holds so I was beginning to become friendly with a few people and I began attending other events so others congregants were at least familiar to me. Making friends is generally not a challenge for me, but the insecurity I felt among those who are more religious and knowledgeable than myself was still so overwhelming.
My son's dedication to his studies and preparation was my inspiration. He takes on all of his responsibilities with such devotion and his Bar Mitzvah was no exception. Watching him enjoy the process and mastering his roles in the service was my motivation. I spent a good part of that winter attending services on Saturday mornings and eventually was able to not only follow along but to recite the prayers as well.
The day of his Bar Mitzvah was just as special as was with our daughter but had more meaning to me the second time around. I understood more of what my son was going through and why. I understood how the Torah is divided into sections and how our synagogue read through a three year cycle. I had an understood and appreciation of the significance of studying Torah. I had a vague understanding of the Haftorah and it's role in the service. I had an appreciation for the congregation and wanted to do something special for the Kiddush.
And of course, I was so proud of my son that day! He did a beautiful job and I loved that the day showed all who were with us what a mench my son was becoming. I loved sharing that pride with our family, friends and the community.
However, I privately took pride in a different accomplishment. I was proud of what I had accomplished and how far I had come in reaching my second goal. While I still didn't feel like I fully belonged to the community; finally, I truly felt like I belonged to my religion.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Expanding My Comfort Zone
For years, I was uncomfortable in a synagogue - any synagogue. I was even uncomfortable walking into my kids' school that was housed in my synagogue. We only belonged to the synagogue because we needed to in order to secure a date for the kids' B'nai Mitzvahs but I was hesitant to become an active member in any capacity. It's not that I had never been to Shul in the past, certainly I have for high holidays and B'nai Mitzvahs over the years; but I have never fully understood what services were about and I was never able to follow along so I felt as if I was an outsider. I stayed away as an adult because it was much easier to stay within my comfort zone when it came to religion.
Because I did not grow up belonging to a synagogue, I have always felt as if I didn't belong in an established Jewish environment and I have always been insecure around religious people. Actually, I don't mean religious people, but people who have an understanding of religion - my own religion. I am very outspoken and active in my professional life and political community and there are not many circumstances where I am intimidated, but being in a synagogue was certainly one of them! Even going to the Purim Carnivals when the kids were young made me feel so uncomfortable. When I really thought about it, I came to realize that I was not only intimidated by those that knew so much more than me, but envious.
My daughter was first to become a Bat Mitzvah. While I understood all she had to learn and all the preparation that was ahead of her, for many months I was occupied with everything I had to do. Don't get me wrong - I love details and love to plan and entire process of planning the party and other events of the weekend was one of the highlights of my life. But I knew that I had to feel as if I were part of her process and I certainly couldn't contribute to her studying Torah, Troupe or Haftorah. So I set a goal to overcome my insecurities. I learned so much during the BBMI (Bar and Bat Mitzvah Institute) sessions that we attended together during her 6th grade year. I learned what the elements were of the Shabbat Morning Service and I learned what many of them represent. That was a good first step but really, the ultimate goal for me was to be able to sit comfortably in services on her Bat Mitzvah day.
I did start attending services but I really had to push myself. I needed an excuse to go - whether it was other kids B'nai Mitzvah's, the requirement that my daughter had to attend, events in the sanctuary or presentations given in the sanctuary. I would never have dreamed of going by myself so I was always dependent on finding a reason to go or someone to go with. I know it sounds odd, but I needed to feel comfortable sitting in those seats and being able to at least follow along.
On the Thursday before her Bat Mitzvah, as customary with our synagogue, we attended the morning minyan so that she could have her official first reading of the Torah in a smaller setting. Certainly, this was way out of my comfort zone! But the warmth that I felt by the congregants who were there and Ritual Director immediately made it easier. And the pride I felt - I had no idea how much pride I would feel for my daughter - it was an unbelievable feeling. That pride helped me through Friday night services which were also very foreign to me and through early Saturday morning before services.
The Bat Mitzvah itself was an unbelievable experience. Gone were the thoughts of the Saturday night party, the out of town guest plans, my hard work on the center pieces for the party and the Kiddush, the remaining details of the Kiddush and all that I still had to do that weekend. It was all about what was happening then and there. It was all about the service that my family and guests were sharing with the congregation, my daughter's role and participation and the culmination of all her hard work, the amazing job she did, and how everyone - from our Senior Rabbi and the beautiful words he spoke that made the day so personal, to the Ritual Director who understood my insecurities and made me feel welcome, to the Hazzan who immediately made me feel at ease on the Bimah and whose voice carried me through the service, to the congregants and the many wonderful comments they offered me, all the way to the staff who made sure our needs were met - the day was one that I will always cherish.
By the time Shabbat Services ended Saturday afternoon, I was not only filled with pride and admiration for my daughter, but proud to be where I was and so happy that while she gained an unforgettable experience I gained an understanding and feeling of belonging that I never anticipated and never even saw coming. I think her Bat Mitzvah was truly a turning point for me and a first step to expanding my comfort zone
Because I did not grow up belonging to a synagogue, I have always felt as if I didn't belong in an established Jewish environment and I have always been insecure around religious people. Actually, I don't mean religious people, but people who have an understanding of religion - my own religion. I am very outspoken and active in my professional life and political community and there are not many circumstances where I am intimidated, but being in a synagogue was certainly one of them! Even going to the Purim Carnivals when the kids were young made me feel so uncomfortable. When I really thought about it, I came to realize that I was not only intimidated by those that knew so much more than me, but envious.
My daughter was first to become a Bat Mitzvah. While I understood all she had to learn and all the preparation that was ahead of her, for many months I was occupied with everything I had to do. Don't get me wrong - I love details and love to plan and entire process of planning the party and other events of the weekend was one of the highlights of my life. But I knew that I had to feel as if I were part of her process and I certainly couldn't contribute to her studying Torah, Troupe or Haftorah. So I set a goal to overcome my insecurities. I learned so much during the BBMI (Bar and Bat Mitzvah Institute) sessions that we attended together during her 6th grade year. I learned what the elements were of the Shabbat Morning Service and I learned what many of them represent. That was a good first step but really, the ultimate goal for me was to be able to sit comfortably in services on her Bat Mitzvah day.
I did start attending services but I really had to push myself. I needed an excuse to go - whether it was other kids B'nai Mitzvah's, the requirement that my daughter had to attend, events in the sanctuary or presentations given in the sanctuary. I would never have dreamed of going by myself so I was always dependent on finding a reason to go or someone to go with. I know it sounds odd, but I needed to feel comfortable sitting in those seats and being able to at least follow along.
On the Thursday before her Bat Mitzvah, as customary with our synagogue, we attended the morning minyan so that she could have her official first reading of the Torah in a smaller setting. Certainly, this was way out of my comfort zone! But the warmth that I felt by the congregants who were there and Ritual Director immediately made it easier. And the pride I felt - I had no idea how much pride I would feel for my daughter - it was an unbelievable feeling. That pride helped me through Friday night services which were also very foreign to me and through early Saturday morning before services.
The Bat Mitzvah itself was an unbelievable experience. Gone were the thoughts of the Saturday night party, the out of town guest plans, my hard work on the center pieces for the party and the Kiddush, the remaining details of the Kiddush and all that I still had to do that weekend. It was all about what was happening then and there. It was all about the service that my family and guests were sharing with the congregation, my daughter's role and participation and the culmination of all her hard work, the amazing job she did, and how everyone - from our Senior Rabbi and the beautiful words he spoke that made the day so personal, to the Ritual Director who understood my insecurities and made me feel welcome, to the Hazzan who immediately made me feel at ease on the Bimah and whose voice carried me through the service, to the congregants and the many wonderful comments they offered me, all the way to the staff who made sure our needs were met - the day was one that I will always cherish.
By the time Shabbat Services ended Saturday afternoon, I was not only filled with pride and admiration for my daughter, but proud to be where I was and so happy that while she gained an unforgettable experience I gained an understanding and feeling of belonging that I never anticipated and never even saw coming. I think her Bat Mitzvah was truly a turning point for me and a first step to expanding my comfort zone
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Who Am I Really - It's Time For Me to Find Out
This blog will become an important part of My Journey.
I am a Jewish, professional woman who resides in the city of Chicago with my husband and two teenagers. My Jewish education was limited by finances and circumstances growing up; and it wasn't until my kids were about half way through their Jewish Day School education that I realized that I wanted to, needed to, and felt a responsibility to increase my understanding of my religion.
I want to start by explaining, not only why I am on this journey, but also why I started this blog. Years ago, I took a two year course from the Florence Melton School of Adult Jewish Learning. It was an important commitment for me. So important, in fact, that I fought my synagogue, Anshe Emet Synagogue (AES) as it wanted to change the day it was held in the middle of the two year course. Luckily, I was able to influence them to keep the day as it was for the following year so that I could continue. I often refer to that program as "the best gift I ever gave myself."
A few years went by and I knew that I wanted to continue with my learning and understanding of Judaism, but life simply got in the way. Until a year ago this past fall, while at High Holiday services, I read the Strategic Plan AES put together. I was so taken with the efforts they made to reach out to those members that were like me - those with minimal formal education and experiences within the Jewish community - that I responded by accepting the educational opportunities they were offering.
My children went to the Jewish Day School housed in our synagogue and because of my limited experiences within my religion, for years I have felt uncomfortable in the building. Because many Chicago Jewish, but non religious families look to the Jewish Day Schools as an alternative to public schools, I know there must be many parents at our school who feel the same way. I am hoping that this blog will encourage others with a limited Judaic upbringing and comfort level like myself to be more accepting and open to approaching their religion and their synagogue as they move forward in life.
I am a Jewish, professional woman who resides in the city of Chicago with my husband and two teenagers. My Jewish education was limited by finances and circumstances growing up; and it wasn't until my kids were about half way through their Jewish Day School education that I realized that I wanted to, needed to, and felt a responsibility to increase my understanding of my religion.
I want to start by explaining, not only why I am on this journey, but also why I started this blog. Years ago, I took a two year course from the Florence Melton School of Adult Jewish Learning. It was an important commitment for me. So important, in fact, that I fought my synagogue, Anshe Emet Synagogue (AES) as it wanted to change the day it was held in the middle of the two year course. Luckily, I was able to influence them to keep the day as it was for the following year so that I could continue. I often refer to that program as "the best gift I ever gave myself."
A few years went by and I knew that I wanted to continue with my learning and understanding of Judaism, but life simply got in the way. Until a year ago this past fall, while at High Holiday services, I read the Strategic Plan AES put together. I was so taken with the efforts they made to reach out to those members that were like me - those with minimal formal education and experiences within the Jewish community - that I responded by accepting the educational opportunities they were offering.
My children went to the Jewish Day School housed in our synagogue and because of my limited experiences within my religion, for years I have felt uncomfortable in the building. Because many Chicago Jewish, but non religious families look to the Jewish Day Schools as an alternative to public schools, I know there must be many parents at our school who feel the same way. I am hoping that this blog will encourage others with a limited Judaic upbringing and comfort level like myself to be more accepting and open to approaching their religion and their synagogue as they move forward in life.
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