Praying for Israel - I am Amazed at How Important This Has Become to Me

I knew last Shabbat that I needed to go to services to pray for Israel.  While I have been trying to go weekly to say Kaddish for my mom, I felt the need to go last week to participate in the prayer for Israel.  While I still struggle on whether or not I believe in prayer, it was very important to me that I participate in the prayer for Israel.  The desire I felt and of course continue to feel is very deep and imbedded within me and has come as a surprise to me.

I woke up late Saturday morning and contemplated for a moment about not going, but knew this was something I needed to do.  The only problem was that in my synagogue's Siddur, the prayer is not transliterated.  Over the past year or so, I have felt a disconnect from those standing around me and felt removed from the rest of my congregation because I could not contribute during that particular prayer.  I have actually felt a disconnect to Israel as I stood there not being able recite the entire prayer and I knew that on last Shabbat; standing among the others and simply standing was no longer enough. 

I was rushing to get out of the house but first stopped to find a transliteration that I could bring with.  While it was still difficult to follow along I at least felt that I was moving in the right direction and working toward not only being part of a community, but joining in my community in something that I knew in my heart was important, significant and essential.   

When I say important, significant and essential - I don't just mean to the well being of Israelis and the future of Israel and our people; I mean how important, significant and essential it was for me to be able to participate.  No one is more surprised at the depth that I feel now toward Israel then myself.  Intellectually, I am not surprised that I am glued to the live blog from The Times of Israel; but spiritually I am surprised of the depth of the concern and support I felt and continue to feel.  While this war is likely a turning point for Israel, it is certainly turning out to be a turning point for me personally.