"When You Die....You Will See G-d"
While driving to Detroit for the unveilings/dedication ceremonies for my mom and grandmother, I saw a rather large billboard with the statement above. Large font, black letters on a white background - you couldn't miss the message, even at 80 mph. My most immediate thought was: do people really believe this - that you confronted and are reunited with G-d once you die? I am sure many do but I am willing to bet that just as many, even those that have believe in G-d, do not.
While this declaration presented itself as just that - a statement of fact - my next thought was really as if it were a question. "When you die, will you see G-d?" Obviously, none of us know the answer but the question immediately brought several thoughts to mind. One of which I have yet to share with anyone but will do so today.
First, I must say that I am always amazed, and envious even, of those who fully believe that they will be with G-d once their presence and energy is no longer part of our world. I think it is wonderful that people are able to find peace in the presence of death of a loved one by believing that there is something on the other side of conscience life. Having had my share of personal loss, I have had ample opportunities to ponder this question, even if it hasn't been through faith or religious thought in the past. I have gone back and forth on what I think actually happens but each thought I have had seems to always relate to finding comfort when you have lost someone.
I have been following a blog of a mother of a five year old who was diagnosed with terminal cancer and whose faith was so devoted, without question, to truly believe that her son, at age five, was blessed to be able to return to his maker. Granted, she was not of our religion and her beliefs were apparently imbedded in her since her childhood; but to be able to believe that your child was going to a better place and to express gratitude was beyond anything I could have imagined. I kept waiting to see if she wrote of the pain of her impending loss and finally was almost a little relieved when she finally dealt with her loss on a purely emotional level, putting religion aside.
Obviously none of us will ever have the answer to the question "When you die, will you see G-d" and of course, none of us can make this declaration as a statement of fact. I recently told a classmate of mine in the course I was taking on finding faith that this was a question I have been wanting to present to my Rabbi. I would love to know what he thinks; but I haven't found the courage yet to ask him.
I have however, found the courage to admit that when my brother died (dead brother #2), I felt jealous that he was able to know the answer. I know this sounds odd and certainly I was not jealous that he died; but it was the first loss I had suffered as an adult during this time of exploring my religion and faith. It was the first time I had not only questioned death, but questioned what happened at death, spiritually. After witnessing the deaths of both my grandmother and mother, I know what happens during those last moments of life physically and have formed opinions on what occurs to both body and soul in those moments based on what I witnessed, but now, more than ever, I wonder what actually happens spiritually.
Will I see G-d when I die? I will never know of course; but as I go through life and explore our religious beliefs and background for those beliefs, I hope that when the time comes I will be confident and secure in accepting whatever knowledge I will be presented with, if anything at all. In the mean time, I will continue to seek answers and look to our religion for comfort in what we all have to face. As I prepare for the unveilings this week, I will look to our faith and the words in the prayers that I will read to enable me to continue in this journey of life while deeply missing those that are no longer with me.
