Masada - Sharing a Memory with Millions While Feeling So Alone

We went to Masada.  Us and everyone else - everyone goes to Masada. It is consistently one of the top three tourist sights in Israel.  We are a group of 42, but probably 42 of approximately 800,000 individuals who visited Masada during the year 2013.  If so many people visit Masada, then why did I feel so alone on the top of that plateau?

We stood with our tour guide, Otto, at the very sight where so many Jews made the difficult decision to end their lives in order to preserve the integrity of their religion, culture and dignity.  We stood and listened.  We listened to the story - a story complete with history, landmarks, remnants of Jewish life,  evidence of persecution and a story filled with emotion.  A story that as Otto put it:  we were experiencing a memory, not just history.  I truly felt that I was sharing in that memory.

The experience of being at Masada was certainly a shared memory.  We were given details of life on Masada and daily experiences that indeed made us feel as if it was a memory of our own.  As I looked at our group of 42, I began to understand that those that were here before our group were really no different than us.  It could have been us, each of us, living in fear and having to make such a difficult decision.  Our ancient ancestors were no different than us - it could have been us.  As I looked around from person to person - families, children, grandchildren and grandparents - I realized that it was us here so many years ago.  We were no different, except that we were born into a safer time and a safer place.  At least that is what we keep telling ourselves.

I was filled with emotions but I was also filled with the sense of being so alone in my emotions.  While so many people were there on that day, not to mention every day before and after our visit, I was surprised that I felt so alone.  I sensed the spirit of cohesiveness our ancestors must have had and I certainly felt it among our group; but I felt alone in my emotions and I wondered if others did as well.  Maybe the feelings I was experiencing - heart breaking sadness, futility, loss of a people - our people,  and utter despondency - can't be shared.  Perhaps these and other feelings I was unable to identify can only be felt deep within oneself and can't even be explained, let alone expressed.  Perhaps the only way to truly feel what our ancestors felt on Masada was to imagine what each individual must have felt as they came to terms with their decision and that no matter how bonded they were as a group; in the end, they were all alone.

As I stood on the cliffs of Masada overlooking the Roman camps I truly felt the pain of the memories of our ancestors.  I know each and every one of the 800,000 visitors to Masada that year must have felt the same, but I can only imagine that each of them also felt the vast loneliness while standing in their history.

Souvenirs From Israel....A Timeless Tradition

Souvenirs from Israel.....so many chatzkies, so many choices.  I didn't think too much of it while I was in Israel; but as I am going through my mother's house,  I just realized what a timeless tradition is was, and is, to give and receive tokens of the land of Israel.

One thing that impressed upon me the most while on our trip is that Israel belongs to each of us.  I had never thought of it that way.  Actually,  I never really understood what it meant that the land belonged to the Jewish people (we will leave out all politics and others' claims to the land for right now).  Certainly I knew that Israel is the Jewish Homeland and is welcoming toJews from all countries;  but while there, I gained a total appreciation of the dynamics and reality of living in Israel and feeling like it's my home too.

I was shocked to learn that such a large portion of the land, the actual land,  was purchased and contines to be purchased by Jewish organizations so that it actually belongs to all of us.   Israel belongs to me my children and G-d willing, their children.  Because I am Jewish, I have the right to live in Israel. I have the privilege of applying for, and making, Aliyah if I want to.

I understand now how dependent Israel is of support from Jews of other countries.  I was impress r d to learn of the countless organizations world wide that provide support to Israel. I recently found out about  American Physicians and Friends, a group that brings Israeli physicians to the US for training and provides disaster training for US doctors.   I immediately began a dialogue and planning for a conference for my profession to be held in Israel in 2016.  While in Israel, I gained a sense of personal responsibility for Israel and will do what I can to promote and support Israel including learning her history and helping bring others to experience what I experienced while there.

Many people have been fortunate to visit Israel severseveralsl times and for many more, a visit is a once in a lifetime experience. Neither my mother nor grandmother had ever been to Israel, but I know that each felt a sense of dedication and inclusiveness based of the souvineers they saved.  Bringing a gift for someone is certainly the meaningful when traveling,  but receiving a gift from Israel means so much more.